I recommit.

At the retreat this weekend, I had the honor of hearing Robert Tennyson Stevens speak. Actually, speak is probably not the right word. It’s more like lovingly guide. A woman went up and he knew by looking in her eyes and reading her body language that she struggled with forgiveness. Bob said something that really spoke to me, “You carry the DNA of both of your parents. If they are at war with each other, you cannot be in alignment with your own self.” (severely paraphrased)

This hit me two ways.

One, that the dislikes and distastes we have for one or the other means that we can’t love ourselves fully, either. To hear, “You remind me so much of your mom,” or “Your daddy used to do that,” will rear that ugly head of unforgiveness and perceive it as an insult, which is not honoring to your Creator because He made you this exact way for a reason. To heal the self sabotage of hating parts of who you are is to facilitate freedom to be true to yourself. Its freedom to love yourself.

Two, the unforgiveness in our own marriages and relationships directly affects our children and their peace, no matter the age. Through the healing of soul ties/shared DNA, whatever your belief is, is to allow our children freedom from generational curses, faulty beliefs, and lies. This is on a quantum level, with mind, body, and spirit being set free.

For someone who struggled with loving and accepting myself in the past, the first was not a powerful motivator, but that second one? Those are my babies. If reconciling in spirit with my dad helps my children not to resent theirs or doubt themselves as fathers, then that’s what I’ll do. If reconciling my misunderstandings with my mom in my childhood helps my children to not receive bitterness or lack from me, then that’s what I’ll do. If my children are what was needed for me to finally see myself the way God sees me, I’m glad I did my heart work.

And it keeps going. Daily. Every day, the Holy Spirit has used this one teaching to shed another layer of the weight that held me down. One thing Bob said repeatedly was, “I recommit.” He said it in reference to making mistakes. You just stop and say, “That’s okay. I recommit.” The word recommit resonated in my head and was changed to “remarry.”

I realized that in our darkest times, I had divorced my husband in my heart and that this dance of improvement and showing love we had been doing was courtship. In my heart, I had not recommitted, remarried. I did it right then. Knowing my husband the way I do, I knew he needed to hear it. You see, in those awful times, I had told him I hated him. I told him I wanted a divorce. I called him a piece of shit on a regular basis. I’m being 100% transparent here so that YOU don’t believe you are too far gone, nor is your marriage. I was hurting, badly. He was too. We have said some horrible things.

When I got home, I sat on the couch with him and told him about that revelation. I apologized for the things I had said and told him that I saw that I had not officially recommitted. I said, “I recommit to you now.” He got physically ill. He felt so bad, in fact, that he thought he needed to go to the hospital. I explained what clearing was and how it affects you physically and prayed for him. I rubbed him down with Stress Away and within an hour, he was fine.

What more evidence do we need to know that trauma and emotion impact us on a physical level? He desperately needed to hear those words, though neither of us knew it. And now, it is healed. He stands taller, he glows, he is so kind and he loves me well. There is no more uncertainty. He is secure, I am secure, and as a result, our children are secure.

Our children benefit from reconciliation without details. They benefit from our spiritual health. Our spiritual health IS our mental and physical health, and US doing the heart work NOW sets them free from conflicted hearts and frees them to accept their own purpose and calling without having to carry our bags.

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